The Joys of Motherhood

Ok, so I have decided that I hate when people say, 'Don't worry, it will get better' and my response is ALWAYS, 'Well sure, I don't plan on bouncing my colic-y 16 year-old around on my hip all day!'. But if it isn't one thing, it's another. I have anxiety around 10pm every night, because I never know if tonight will be good or bad. And how often do babies poop anyways? Because I swear every time Riley is grunting and wiggling it's because he is excited about the Jazz game or something.. because this poor kid is going to start getting a spoonful of prunes because mom needs more sleep.

I guess because this is my first blog, I will catch you all up to speed on my new mommy life style. It's suiting me well, since I have amazingly dropped about 25lbs off my old 'non-pregnant' weight, breastfeeding has done me good. Believe me, I still don't look good naked since most everything sags now, but it's 25lbs still the same.

Our labor was hard. Little Riley did not come out so 'little'. After 9 hours of active labor, and 2 hours of pushing, nothing seemed to be happening. His head was a little off center, so they went in with the vacuum and straightened the kid out. 20 more minutes and he was free! I had only gained about 27lbs my whole 9 months, so my doctor was a little surprised when he came out at 8lbs, 14oz. His new nickname around the hospital was 'Tank'.

Naturally being worn out, I was in tons of pain still, worse then labor pains, which apparently is not normal. I was excessively bleeding (sorry it might be a touch graphic) and the nurse thought I would be needing a D and C. Dr Later checked on me, but decided the blood was slowing down and we were just going to wait it out. But after soaking through everything they put under me, I was rushed off to the ER. After I was put out, they soon discovered I had hemorrhaged because Riley must have been holding on so tight to stay in, he ripped a hole open in my uterus coming out! They fixed me up and all was well. The doctor said if I had been at home, or born in any earlier time, I wouldn't have made it. Now I officially can't donate blood because I have had my first, (and hopefully last) blood transfusion.

The week following was hard. the post-op pain was the worst I had been on, because unfortunately, they don't keep the epidural in after the baby is out. I couldn't even hold Riley in my arms because I could barely sit up in bed. Only feeding times did I get my time with him, but for some reason, he would scream every time I held him.. it broke my heart. I had loved him for 9 months, and he wanted nothing to do with me, like he didn't even know who I was. My voice or my smell. But he loved his daddy. Not only did Trav have to take care of me, but he had to step up in the biggest way, and make sure both of us were happy, and I'm sure it was pretty hard to always have the both of us crying for no real reasons. I'm so blessed to have a husband who loves me and our child more then I could imagine.

After a week of loritabs and dulcolax, we were finally ready to take our new baby boy home. Come to find out, the jondis was so bad, he was now down to 7lbs, and the blue light bed he had been sleeping on wasn't doing the trick. We were allowed to take him home, but we needed to feed him as often as possible to get his weight back up. About 3 hours before we thought we were going to leave, the doctor came in and said they had to do x-rays just in case since he was always so fussy in the nursery. Pretty scary when you are already feeling like you have been hit with everything all at once, but don't worry, there was one more curve-ball in store for us, 'Tank' had broken his collar bone during delivery. Totally explaining why he hated me holding him since I couldn't even hold myself up, let alone hold him with out moving his right arm. Just another thing to add to my list of things to cry about I guess.

The first couple days of conquering the stairs were hard, but we made it through. he was eating better, and his weight was back up. He hated everything about this new crazy life on earth. The cold wipes, the t-shirt changes, not being held, and the hat we put on his head to cover his enormous bruise from the vacuum. I couldn't stay away from 2% milk, and PB and J sandwiches. It's all I wanted. After about the 4th night when he spent 7 hours screaming, turns out milk and peanut butter cause acid reflux, and that's all he was getting out of my milk. But only having to deal with acid reflux would have been a breeze compared to what we went through. He had colic about 19 hours of the day, and all we could do was stand and bounce him (probably helped me loose the 25 lbs.) .

My mom and dad stayed with us, and they did everything they could do to help. They were here for about 4 weeks. The week before he was born, the week of us in the hospital, the week Trav was still off of work, and the week he had to go back, and I BALLED like baby when they had to leave. I remember standing in our living room as they drove away, bouncing our screaming child thinking 'How am I going to do this alone? I need my mom!' (again with the crying).

Riley is now 3 months old. We have delt with everything. And if you had the perfect baby, I don't want to hear it. Lie to me. Because being a new mom has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Now a days, we have good days and bad. He loves his mom, and proves it by wanting to be held or looking into my eyes all day long. It's hard to think back at how bad he was, because I don't know how I did it.

Now that you are all caught up, I can just keep everyone up to date with my present rants and raves about snowy days, and doctor visits (his nurse is SO rude). But that's a blog for another day.